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I recently had a conversation that lingered with me long after it was over. What began as a casual chat by the office coffee machine about work priorities quickly unfolded into a deeper reflection: What are my true priorities? And from there, it opened the door to a broader exploration of life, values, and what we truly owe to ourselves.

This question “What is my priority?” can seem so obvious to some, yet daunting to others. We hear it all the time in professional settings, in time management workshops, even on social media: Know your priorities. Focus on what matters. But what does that really mean?

Is a priority an urgent task for the day, something that demands our attention right now? Or is it a long-term goal we strive for, something that defines the shape of our lives? Is it a feeling we chase, a legacy we want to leave behind, or a quiet whisper from within that we often ignore?

The Misconception of "Priorities"

Many of us live with the belief that our priorities are already set: getting promoted, raising our kids, launching a successful business, or checking off life goals we’ve been taught to pursue. And while these are meaningful and honorable pursuits, I’ve come to realize that what we think are our priorities may not actually be our own.

Often, we inherit our priorities, we absorb them from our families, from cultural expectations, from societal models of success. We chase what looks good, what sounds responsible, what makes sense on paper.

For years, my priority was clear, or so I thought. I focused on building my career, excelling in my field, and even moving across countries to pursue new opportunities. Each step felt like a natural progression. But over time, a quiet feeling grew inside me: Is this really what I want? Or am I just following a blueprint that was never mine to begin with?

Montréal, 2024

That’s the thing with priorities, they’re not just external goals. They’re reflections of our inner compass. And sometimes, they need to be updated, questioned, or completely redefined.

Priorities in Times of Crisis

Let’s imagine something we all dread but many of us eventually face: an unexpected crisis such as a health diagnosis, a job loss, a relationship falling apart. A moment where the foundation we’ve built our lives upon suddenly starts to tremble.

In such moments, what we once called a priority can feel irrelevant, or even absurd.

A colleague of mine once shared something during a casual exchange that struck me: “I always thought my family was my priority. And they are. But if I don’t take care of myself, I can't take care of them. I need to be my own priority, too.” Her words landed like a quiet truth bomb. Not because they were revolutionary, but because they were real.

How often do we put ourselves last, believing it’s the noble or right thing to do? How often do we ignore our needs, silence our desires, postpone our healing, all in the name of responsibility or loyalty?

And then something shakes us and all of a sudden suddenly, what truly matters rises to the surface.

The Process of Re-Prioritizing

For me, the process of identifying my real priorities wasn’t a breakthrough. It took shape gradually, through real and sometimes uncomfortable introspection. It doesn’t come without confusion, guilt, resistance in admitting the truth. It required me to sit down with uncomfortable questions like:

• -What do I actually want right now?
• -What part of my life feels aligned?
• -What part feels like a performance?
• -What am I doing out of habit or fear, rather than intention?

- And perhaps the hardest of all: What am I afraid to prioritize, even though I know I should?

Sometimes, prioritizing yourself feels like breaking a contract, with your job, with your upbringing, with your own past self. But staying in a life misaligned with your values is a contract with burnout.

Bali, 2024

There’s a kind of courage in naming what truly matters. It may mean making changes that others won’t understand. It may require letting go of identities we’ve built. But it also opens space, for authenticity, for growth, for peace.

Making Yourself the Priority

Let’s talk about something that’s often misunderstood: the idea of making yourself your priority.

This isn’t about self-centeredness or abandoning responsibilities. It’s about creating a solid foundation so you can show up fully, for yourself, for others, for life. It’s about saying: I matter too.

Making yourself a priority means paying attention to your needs before they become overwhelming. It means honoring your emotional needs without waiting for a breakdown. It means making time for rest, creativity, joy, because these aren’t luxuries; they’re vital signs of a life well-lived.

Prioritize yourself. Take a moment to breath.

In the conversation I had with my colleague, the turning point was this sentence: “I need to take care of myself, for myself.” Not for her kids, not for her partner, not even for her career. For herself. That recognition was not selfish. It was radical. A true calling.

It reminded me of something I’ve had to learn (and re-learn): we can’t pour from an empty cup. We can’t be there for others, at least not sustainably, if we constantly ignore our own capacity.

Redefining Success

One of the main reasons we lose touch with our true priorities is because we’ve been taught to measure success in rigid, external ways: career milestones, financial growth, social approval.

But what if success looked different?

• - What if success was waking up without anxiety?
• - What if success was having time to take a walk, call a friend, or do something creative?
• - What if success was living in alignment with what you believe, not what others expect?
•  

As I’ve slowed down, as I’ve listened more deeply to myself, I’ve come to realize that redefining success is key to clarifying your priorities. You can’t set your priorities based on someone else’s version of fulfillment.

Your priority might not be climbing the ladder or building a multi-millions dollars empire, it might also be living with intention and what really matters to you. It might not be achieving more, it might be simply healing, building a community or taking time off for yourself.
In other words, instead of being in constant action, doing things, simply BE what you really want to be.

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I share with you those extra thoughts to further reflect. 

➡️Questions That Can Help Clarify Priorities

If you feel unclear or overwhelmed, here are a few reflection questions that have helped me:

1. What part of my life feels most in alignment right now?
2. What am I craving that I keep postponing?
3. If I had to stop everything for a month, what would I miss the most?
4. What brings me energy, and what drains me?
5. If I received life-altering news tomorrow, what would I regret not doing?

These questions aren’t meant to create pressure. They’re invitations to pause, listen, and reconnect.

➡️Remember: Priorities Are Personal and They Evolve

Let’s be clear: your priorities don’t have to look like anyone else’s. They don’t have to be impressive or social media wise. They just need to be true and they can evolve from time to time, you can reset and redefine anytime. Others may not get it, but your clarity is what counts.

In one season, your priority might be survival while in another, it might be self-discovery. Later, it could be connection, expression, or rest. 

What matters is that you stay in conversation with yourself. That you allow your priorities to evolve. That you don’t get stuck in a version of your life that no longer reflects who you are becoming.

➡️Finally, What Remains When Everything Trembles ?

In times of chaos or change, it’s easy to feel disoriented. The structures we’ve relied on, our schedules, our roles, our identities, can feel fragile. But these are also the moments where we get to ask ourselves, What remains?

- When everything trembles, what stays still inside you?
- What part of your life makes you feel most like yourself, even if it doesn’t make noise?

Well, that’s your priority.

"Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
— Howard Thurman

For me, learning to make space for those deep truths, those things I once dismissed or avoided, has changed the way I live. It’s softened the edges of my ambition and grounded me in something deeper. A kind of knowing that doesn’t need validation.

Because at the end of the day, your true priorities won’t shout. They’ll whisper.

Sabrina

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